"It looks like you're trying to get rid of an annoying, talking paperclip. Would you like some help?"

It's a fashionable thing to complain about Microsoft these days and, though I use it myself and have no major quibbles with it, I am prone to fits of ranting against Windows occasionally. But I think I have traced all of its foibles to a single source:

It's just too goddamn helpful.

Every time you try to do something which requires more than the intellectual capacity of a particularly dim-witted flea, Windows will thrust some ingenious wizard or help option upon you which ends up causing more trouble than if it had just left you alone. A good example of this was the 'office assistant' (AKA that bloody paperclip) with its immortal line, "looks like you're writing a letter". Sadly, getting rid of the thing was often actually more time consuming than writing the letter itself and so the object was thoroughly defeated there.

Fortunately, this has disappeared in Word 2007, to be replaced by Vista's User Account Control feature which presumes that all programs not made by Microsoft are riddled with viruses.

So I know you mean well Mr Gates, but next time, just don't bother. I'll do it myself...