Actually, it is rocket science...

There's a certain pattern to sci-fi action films and TV series. You know the type I mean: not the intelligent, thought-provoking ones like Blade Runner or 2001, but their louder and pulpier cousins. I mean things like Independence Day or indeed any modern superhero film. There will, of course, come a point in the plot where all seems to be lost: evil is triumphing and the hero has almost been defeated. But lo, suddenly the obligatory friendly scientist character comes up with a gem of a line such as "There's still hope! If you overloaded their main reactor for just a few seconds, then I could disable their shield nexus and recalibrate my translocator to cross the ion streams and disrupt their energy field!" The hero promptly does all this (which, curiously, usually involves little more than pressing a few buttons or shooting a few things). Cue much celebration and cheesy victory montages.

I began to notice this unique phenomenon and started, privately, to christen it Science! (with a mandatory '!' to distinguish it from its rather more mundane sibling). Indeed, Science! is nothing at all like science. Real science involves unhealthy quantities of maths, strings of obscure facts and hours of carefully mixing two colourless and rather unexciting liquids; Science!, on the other hand, means explosions, lasers and labs filled with horrendously impractical, but really rather awesome stuff. Whereas, in the real world, it takes years to understand the ins and outs of particle physics, in the world of Science!, one can be an expert simply by wearing a white lab-coat, having hair like Emmett Brown and living in a maze of bubbling chemicals and sinister machinery. It's that simple.

 A lot of films and TV shows do Science! in a tongue in cheek way. Dr Who and Back to the Future, for example, are deliberately wacky and convoluted in their idea of science. But it's the supposedly 'serious' action films which get me. How the actors can keep a straight face, I just don't know.

So, In case you ever need to write the script to a Hollywood sci-fi movie, I've prepared a make-your-own Science! script. Simply choose a word to fill each gap. Happy Sciencing!

                          
Scientist A:  The photon emitter/main shield/toaster is malfunctioning! She's gonna blow!
Scientist B: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Scientist A: Oh piss off...
Scientist B: Well it always works for me... [thinks] Wait, I've got it! We can recalibrate/externalise/exfoliate the reactor/flux capacitor/arctic roll by diverting/caressing the current!                               
Scientist A: By Jove, why didn't I think of that? It's so simple! Genius!
Scientist B: It's all thanks to the [looks directly at camera] power of Science! [grins, gives thumbs up and a hearty wink. Rapturous applause. Slow fade to the sound of The Star Spangled Banner]